Dear Nocketback—February

Dear Nocketback,
I work with this guy “so & so”, he’s older than me by degrees and has asked, on numerous occasions, if he can take me on vacation with him, no strings attached; yet, every time I see him at work, he’s hitting on me. I would normally NEVER do something like this, but he said he’ll take me to Jamaica. I’ve never been and it has been one of my dreams to go. I know I could never afford this on my own, ever. My friends have told me if I go, I’d basically be whoring myself out. What do you think?
All Expenses Paid

Dear AEP,
It’s a curse being beautiful, I know, but we just have to keep on truckin’ my dear. Here’s the rub, people are going to make fun of you and call you names anyway…because you’re beautiful, I get it all the time. Also, I’ve done some web searching and a trip like that for four days is in the area of 3 grand. So, you can easily go through with this if you just pro rate your self at $100.00 an hour (that’s what doctors make). And if all else fails and you can’t go through with it, tell him you’re injured down below and need 2 weeks to heal…but wait until you get to Jamaica before saying that.
Yours, NN.

Dear Nocketback,
Not having a lot of money is hurting my sex life. I got with this girl not long ago and told her I have a pretty considerable trust fund, a lie. She basically thinks I’m loaded and would never be with me otherwise, trust me. I’ve been using my savings to take her out and buy her stuff (dinner and clothes) but I am running out of cash fast. What now?
Cash Rules Everything Around Me

Dear CREAM,
If it wasn’t for women, we’d be rich, or at the very least, be happy being poor. No worries, though, comrade, I have your solution. Google credit cards, choose one with the highest limit (use another name and social if you can), and wait about three business days. After that, spend like you have a terminal illness—trips to Amsterdam, lobster bisque, lobster beer, lobster shoes, lobster. Then, when you’ve completely maxed out the card, either lay a guilt trip on her explaining that your love for her caused you to spend ALL your trust fund. Or, if you used your real name on the credit card, convince her to move to Nanjing with you—you’re going to have to leave the country anyhow, take her with.
Cheers, NN.